I have always been a loner

I am totally amazed that I have been happily married for nearly 18 years. How on earth does he put up with me?

Here’s the thing: I am totally retarded at relationships once they get past a certain level of closeness. I just don’t get how emotional intimacy works except with a very few people. Plus I seem to have an instinct for choosing friends with psycho streaks that end up dooming the friendship. When their crazy point hits mine, cablooey! Hmmm. That might all be related, yes?
Perhaps there’s nothing wrong with having only a few close friends, but it feels very lonely sometimes. All I can say is that fundamentally, it’s how I am. I am recharged by solitude. I like it.

I think it’s why I like Twitter better than Facebook. It’s more interesting and less connected, if you will, at least for me, and I like it that way.

And yet, still, I want more companionship than I have. I need to get involved with — something. That fits my schedule and is fun, no responsibilities. God knows I have enough of those already. I think maybe I’ll check out the local drum circle that meets on Friday evenings. I know some of the people who do that. Get my husband to go with me, he knows some of that crowd too.

I will keep you posted.

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