I am just one person

Posted on March 31, 2013 by silvergrrl

I don’t have magical powers, and I have 24 hours in my day just like everyone else.

So when it comes to how I spend my time, I have to be realistic. These are my truths:

  • I have a full time job. I will continue to have this full-time job until I retire, because it is worth it to me financially.
  • Self-care is not nearly as flexible as it was when I was younger. I MUST get a good night’s sleep, every night. I MUST exercise most days, even if it’s just a half-hour walk. I MUST eat well – regular meals, no fast food, no junk food, as little processed food as I can manage.
  • I need creative outlets, BUT my efforts need to be things that I can pick up and put down randomly, because that’s just how it is. Right now, knitting is working really well for me in that regard. Color, texture, working out design details – and beautiful wearable results.

The REAL problem is that I have been “shoulding” myself again. So, no more. The question I asked myself last post was, what about the things I love? Their time is coming. I dream of retirement, when my time will be my own.

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If My Life Is The Way I Want, What About The Things I Miss?

Posted on March 28, 2013 by silvergrrl

I spent some time this morning looking at what I think is important to me as compared to how I actually spend my time.

I’m depressed.

On my list of important stuff, only about half of it is actually getting active attention. The sad part is that I just don’t really see how any of the rest can fit in unless I go the horrible route of trying to plan every minute of every day. I don’t think so.

So what do I do now? More importantly, what do I want to do now?

Here’s a secret – I have the overwhelming urge to work through this now and tie this post up in a tidy little package. So you can see how together I am. Screw that. I leave myself, and this, with unanswered questions.

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Before and After: a Study in Clutter

Posted on January 16, 2013 by silvergrrl

Before

I am not proud of this picture. I share it to show you how badly out-of-hand the clutter had become in my home office before I was compelled to deal with it. This is from early November, 2012.

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Art supplies, books, hoops, yarn and other knitting things, CDs, random  boxes, etc etc etc. The thought of clearing it out was unbearable – I have never been able to just go in and tidy something up, at least not once it got to this point. But I couldn’t stand it any more.

Help

A number of the teachers I have come across on the Internet tell us that we are most effective when we work WITH our natural patterns and inclinations instead of against them. One I have particularly resonated with is Jen Hofmann, Inspired Home Office . With that in mind, I realized that in the past when I have moved, what I do is pack EVERYTHING and then sort through when I am unpacking. Yes, this flies in the face of how you are “supposed” to do it, but it’s the only way I can stand it. So if I apply that here, it means that everything must go – to another room, so I could sort through things as I put them back IN the office. Crucial fact: my husband cannot abide clutter. Poor man, I put him through too much already, so there’s no way I could subject him to THIS. So. Here’s where luck came in: he decided to go visit his family in California for 10 days last November. Aha: a window of opportunity. I did not tell him what I was planning. Just that I was working on a surprise.

During

He left on Thursday, and that night I started hauling stuff out into the living room. And I have to tell you, by Friday night I was feeling pretty daunted by the size of what I had set myself to do. But by then there was no turning back. That was actually another key feature of my plan. The only way out was through. Here’s what it looked like when the room was emptied.

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Then item by item, things went into the Goodwill pile, the trash, or back into the room. It was absolutely critical to the process that I had a hard end date: I had to be done before he got home. At the very least, everything HAD to be back in that room, even if I wasn’t quite done organizing it. You know what? I made it. And since then, I’ve finished most of the organizing.

After

Here’s what it looks like now:

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I still have some work to do, especially around organizing my desk (which you can’t see in this picture). But I can BREATHE in there now, I enjoy being in there. And I am committed to keeping it this way.

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Bossing Myself Around

Posted on December 1, 2012 by silvergrrl

I’ve been talking to myself in a whole new way lately, and it’s working. It’s a new spin on self-discipline for me.

I recently started a very daunting project: completely overhauling my home office. (When I get done, finally, I’ll post the before-and-after pictures.) Talk about overwhelming! To get it done, I had to put myself into a place where there was no backing out. So while my husband was visiting his parents in California, I hauled everything but the furniture out of the room. I then had until he returned to get it all sorted out – trash vs. Goodwill vs. keep – and back in there.

Talk about stressed and exhausted! But I had to keep going. What did I do when I just wanted to quit? Or started to get distracted? Or couldn’t decide what to do next? Order my self around, out loud. Yes, bossy in a way I would never talk to anyone else. And boy-howdy, was it effective. Who knew?

The good part is, I’m still doing it when I need that extra kick-in-the-behind to keep moving. And it’s still working. It’s exactly the tool I need right now.

In case you’re wondering, I did get 98% done before he got home, and my home office is about 8000 times better than it was. I just have a few more things that aren’t quite settled yet. But it’s close.

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I used to have a Life, didn’t I?

Posted on November 4, 2012 by silvergrrl

I haven’t always lived in South Carolina, working my butt off at a job that takes everything I have to offer and demands more.

Funny how music touches us – a little Bruddah Iz (Over the Rainbow), Keali’i Reichel (Kawaipunahele), and Kutira (Taua) took me right back to Maui this afternoon, at least in my heart.

I miss the gentleness of my life then, the harmony with nature, the beautiful ocean, the control over my time because I didn’t have a regular 9-5 corporate job. I volunteered three shifts a week at the East Maui Animal Refuge and helped in the office at the Kahua Hawaiian Institute two days a week. Those things FED me instead of depleting me.

What I’m doing now is worth it, because it will give us financial stability down the road when I retire. But today, I really have to remind myself of that. Because otherwise I don’t think I could stand it.

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So how IS that Artist Reawakening Going??

Posted on September 24, 2012 by silvergrrl

Life just gets in the way. Two weeks ago I committed to spending some time every day to a creative endeavor of SOME sort. I blocked off a half-hour at lunch every day on my calendar, both to remind me about my commitment and to keep other people from bugging me during that time.

My little practice X Books

I actually made a bunch of little “X books”to start learning some basic techniques and begin to get familiar with the tools.

Things I’ve learned so far: practice is good. More practice is better. And I need a better carrier for my tools & supplies. Things are getting bent.

THEN I got sent to New York state (Buffalo) for my job, all week last week, and there was NO WAY to pack that artist stuff. But fortunately, I had blocked off “My Half Hour” THIS week as well – seeing that on my calendar reminded me. So I am taking my art supplies to work with me again today – who knows? Maybe a new kind of book project. And I have an old laptop bag that I think will work for my stuff.

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Reawakening the Artist Within

Posted on September 10, 2012 by silvergrrl

I have a thousand excuses why I haven’t done anything really creative lately. I won’t bore you with them. At last, though, I can’t stand it anymore.

My birthday was last week, and these are two of my favorite presents:

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The one on the right is a twisted little blank book, and I’m finally taking to heart the idea of carrying it around with me to record thoughts, ideas, etc. The one on the left is reminding me to just DO something every day.

So what am I DOING today, as I plunge back into the work world? I’m carving out a half hour at lunch to make a little
book from THIS project book:

:

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I’ll let you know how it goes.

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The Summer of my Discontent

Posted on June 12, 2012 by silvergrrl

I’m just keeping my head down these days, trying to get through my days peacefully. One of my cats has been missing for weeks now, presumed dead or moved on to a new family. Good-bye, Mr. Beekman. My car has a problem with its ventilation system that several visits to the shop and hundreds of $$ have not yet fixed. Good-bye, any confidence I have in that shop. My employer just informed me that I will be required to work 60-hour weeks, starting at the end of June for the following eight weeks, including travel to Buffalo NY for 3 of those weeks in a row. Good-bye, personal life until the middle of August.

The only bright spot is HoopPath, coming up at the end of June. One long weekend of escapist joy. Thank God I arranged for that vacation long ago.

And of course, my amazing, wonderful husband. I would have imploded long ago without him.

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You Can’t Go Home Again (If Only)

Posted on April 28, 2012 by silvergrrl

Boy, I would be so happy if that were literally true if applied to vacations. I am not ready to go home, but tomorrow is the day.

This morning we went back to the tunnel Mercado to look for a black “no Army” t-shirt for Mick (C.R. abolished their army in 1948). No luck with that, but we found another booth with great shirts that are hand-painted by the man there and his sons. Mick and I both found shirts there that we liked. Then we walked up Avenida Central to the Central Market, strolled through there, and YES found the black “No Army” shirt that Mick wanted.

To celebrate we went to Casa 927 for lunch. After our delicious lasagne, the chef brought us each out an adorable little lemon tart.

On the advice of our friends Gina and Mike, we also stopped at the Auto Mercado and got some Dos Pinos Trits, which may be the best ice cream sandwich either of us has ever had.

The rest of the day was pretty low-key. We went back to the hotel, checked in online & got our boarding passes, and arranged for transportation to the airport. Our flight is late enough that we’ll have plenty of time in the morning to eat breakfast and get all packed up.

For dinner, we went to JR’s BBQ for ribs. The meat was quite American but the sides were Costa Rican, and the portions were huge. Dessert was out of the question.

Now we are watching TV. Mick has become a fan of Telemundo, and he thinks we have it in our satellite package at home. 12 Corazones and much, much more. I am more determined than ever to keep going with my Spanish lessons, so every bit helps.

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Everything Old is New Again

Posted on April 27, 2012 by silvergrrl

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Today we revisited some of our favorite places in this part of San José (Avenida Central and Barrio Amón), ate, and shopped. Not necessarily in that order. After breakfast in our hotel, we walked over to Casa 927. We thought they opened at 9am. We were wrong, but someone was there and went ahead and opened early for us. Really! They have a ton of beautiful and creative clothes, jewelry, hair ornaments, belts, bags, etc. What’s great is that it’s an artist co-op, so each one has his/her space and you might be able to meet the person who made the items you are admiring.

Mick wanted to walk over to Chietón Morén before we bought anything at Casa 927 so we did. Chietón Morén works with the indigenous peoples of Costa Rica, and brings their hand-crafted items to market. ALL the proceeds go back to the people who made them – the space for the shop & a small museum is donated, and all the staff there are volunteers. It was interesting and they have many beautiful and practical items. Mick would have bought a hat if they’d had one that fit him.

Next we walked over to a Mercado that runs in a tent tunnel between Avenida 2 and Avenida Central and went through it. We had each bought shirts there last year – Mick was wearing his today (the Pura Vida frog). When we got close to that booth, they flagged him down and wanted to know where he got that shirt (aqui!) and when. They had another great frog shirt (Beware the Frog), it is perfect for him.

By then it was 11:00, so we sat in the Plaza de la Democracia until another of our favorite restaurants – Tin Jo – opened for lunch. Asian food, completely delicious. After lunch we found our way back to Casa 927, where I bought things both for me and as gifts.

We returned to our room after that, and I relaxed & read while Mick went back to the cigar bar. I finished my book King Rat by China Miéville. If you are not familiar with him, he is an excellent writer.

For dinner, we went to a restaurant called Café de los Deseos, knowing nothing about it except that it is a few blocks from our hotel. It turns out that it is a very “happening” sort of place, bustling with young people who appeared to be mostly in their 20s. The food was good, but here’s the kicker: the tables and walls were decorated in 1960’s op-art style art, there were posters on the wall from American movies and musicians like Metropolis, Pulp Fiction, AC/DC, Ben Harper. And the music they were playing was all old American music from OUR youth – The Ghetto (Donny Hathaway), Spooky (Classics IV), Son of a Preacher Man (Dusty Springfield), My World is Empty Without You (The Supremes), some older blues that we couldn’t identify, and a woman who might have been Etta James. There is a very deep irony in that we traveled thousands of miles to a foreign country for THAT.

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